David Sharp (chaosmastermind) wrote,
David Sharp
chaosmastermind

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Dear John...By the time you read these lines, I'll be gone. -John Sullivan

Dan and Shayny have been having a lot of problems lately. I could have seen this coming, but I never expected it so soon. But here is how I want it written.

Last time I saw Shayny, she was on the easy chair like usual, dangling her feet over the edge for me to play with, in the socks I bought her for Geekmas. She lotioned up her feet to tease me and she let me kiss them and help her do it. But when Dan went into the shower, we started to talk about trust and how Dan didn't trust her enough. It just so happens that she had gone over to Rob's house a night or so before to "watch a movie" and didn't come back till 7am. I had called around 11:00pm to her cell phone that night to see if she was okay, and another man answered the phone (not Rob), and told me that she was "sleeping". I asked him to wake her up so she could come back since she had a long shift at work the next day. He said it was "safer for her to sleep over than to to drive back this late at night, tired."

It was right about then that I started to believe that she was cheating on Dan. This Rob fellow from work seemed like a decent enough fellow, tall, lanky, kinda hairy with a goatee, geeky. Though he had tattoos, piercings, and a prince Albert (:S eww), but overall he seemed okay. However, after a while, he started to chat with her online, and then it became almost every night, then came the webcams, and then the strip webcams, and the constant text messaging and calling like every five minutes. We tried to go to a movie and get some food at Taco Bell (Dan, Me, and Shayny), and even then, he was texting her every 2 minutes while we were eating. I have no proof, but my pessimistic mind and sharp analytical skills usually point me in the right direction, even if I hate always being right.

Dan was worried sick that night and didn't sleep a wink.. I stayed up till almost midnight worrying but had to sleep because I got exhausted from the tension. Later the next morning, I called her up on her cell phone and got voicemail.. I called her again and it had been busy ,and went to voicemail. So I text messaged her and she called me during her break at work ... I just asked if she was okay. I thought she might have been hurt. She explained what happened, and then I decided that I wouldn't press the issue and said goodbye.

I explained to Dan what happened and talked to him through a lot of the night, but talking to me when you are depressed and upset just usually makes things worse, so ... I apologize for that. I only told him the truth, and my opinion that he was losing her and he needed to play it off as if everything is cool and tell her that he loves her and trusts her. I don't know if he did or not, but life went on .. for a few days.

Which brings us to last night... Dan seemed really upset and I refused to let him hide what was going on.. he told me that Shayny had broken up with him. She gave some lame excuse like he was insulting the rap music she liked, or they weren't right for each other, or that she thought he was taking advantage of her. Which is totally bogus, considering that she offered to help him out with the rent and such, and well.. most rap really does stink, and if you are insulted by that opinion, then you have issues. And I've seen them together, they really are right for each other.

Dan flipped out and punched a couple holes in his wall as men are tend to do when their heart is smashed into a million pieces all at once. I honestly don't believe he would ever lay a finger on her, but she got scared of him and I believe ran off. She had told him she wasn't going to jerk him around by giving him false hope or anything, but then the next morning, she said the exact opposite and said she'd take a week to think it over.

So going in to work today, I really wasn't very happy. I loved this girl. Dan, and I had spent the last 4-6 months with this girl doing everything together. Dan loved her like no girl I've ever seen him with, and he didn't even mind when I gave my heart to her as well and worshipped her from the knees down nearly every time I was around her. I've spent a lot of money on her, buying her CSI 2nd season for geekmas, I gave her money nearly every time she asked for it, I bought her cute socks that she could wear just for me, I took her out to dinner with Dan plenty of times, and movies and etc. She may have been Dan's girlfriend, but her feet were mine this whole time. I've kissed, touched, licked, rubbed, dressed, undressed, sucked on, and lotioned every inch of her feet, and gave my heart and soul to her as a slave.. nearly. You must understand, I truly love her as well. And the arrangement we had together was slightly straining, but I've been the happiest I've been in a long time these last few months.

I know this will sound selfish, but... her breaking up with Dan, hurts me just as much. We both loved her, and we both trusted her. We brought her into our home... I consider it my home as well because I spend the majority of my time over at Dan's apartment and sleep over every weekend; plus we've been friends for roughly 18 years. I don't think that's presumptuous of me.

So I was already distraught, all day.. and when I walked home to Dan's like I always do, it was the coldest freezing rain I had felt in a long time. The sky was dim and dismal, and the wind cut through my thick hooded sweatshirt like icy knives. I looked up into the air and thought that this was only fitting that the sky would feel as icy and cold and damp as the inside of my heart. I prayed for a lightning bolt to signify my rage.. but none came. As I crossed the parking garage, I noticed her car was gone.. signifying that she was spending her time off somewhere else. I immediately agreed with Dan's previous assumption as I left work.. She was probably with Rob.

I walked dismally up the stairs, soaked to the bone and freezing cold, and opened the door to a dark living room. I had hoped that maybe she was there anyway, sitting in the chair watching TV all wrapped up in a blanket like she does sometimes. But no. And through the complete fog of my drenched glasses, I saw only a vague shape of something white on the computer chair, which had been dragged over to the middle of the room. Even though I wiped my glasses, I still could not see what it was, but I knew by the shape that it was a notebook of paper. And then I knew what it was. Without even reading it, I said to myself.... "It's a Dear John letter.." and when I picked it up to see it.. this is what it said:

"I will call both Dan and David @ 7pm tonight to talk. Sorry, I love you, this is for the best. -Shayny."

Funny how that song started playing in my head after I put it down.
I knew what it meant. All of my suspicions had to be true, she had left him for Rob... she was probably there right now. I had to go to her room to check.... I was right, all of her stuff was gone. Everything of hers was gone. And just like she waltzed into our lives off of the streets out of nowhere... she disappeared like a thief in the night; without a trace that she was ever here.

I closed the door quietly and called my ride..distraught. I mentioned nothing of what happened, and sat down on the couch to .. think about it. I knew this was going to happen eventually, but it was supposed to play out differently. She had always said she was going to leave us in March to join the Navy, not ditch us for some bozo who can't even keep the job that I have. I just sat there.. staring at the wall.. staring at the ceiling.. staring at the chair.. and I cried.. not too bad yet because it hasn't fully hit me. The rain continued to beat down on the window outside, and a crash of thunder punctuated my pain. But strangely enough.. in the midst of this torment..Dan's cat came to comfort me. It amazes me how cats know when you are hurt, physically or emotionally. She lay on my stomach and gave me kitty kisses and just watched over me when I was hurting :~/ and I will always be grateful for that.

Dan has no idea what has happened yet and if I tell him now, it will hit him like a ton of bricks. Best to let him finish out his shift, instead of risking an incident which could jeapordize his work. I should probably stay to comfort him, but I have to work as well tomorrow. I have already called my ride and will be at home to comfort him over the phone. I don't think he's going to take it well. I worry that he will try to kill himself, and perhaps I should stay to watch him. I will have to be the one to pick up the pieces when his heart smashes for good... and who will pick up mine? :~/

I have no one left.

Dan told me before that if he puts his heart out one more time and it get's broken again.. then he would never recover. And I know how he must feel. I feel his pain.

I'm going to take my ride home. I'm going to put the note right back where I found it. And I'm going to wait by the phone. Though if he kills himself... I don't think I'll ever speak to anyone again.
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